“Were,” bitch, frakking “were.” Shut up with your sassy jumprope shorts for a second and let me educate you:

Let’s talk about the subjunctive for a moment. It’s not a tense, it’s a mood. It’s for when you are expressing a situation that is not, but is hypothetical. “Would that I could,” or “If I/you/she were” are subjunctive mood.

“Wish” is for you are describing a situation that is not, but hypothetically could exist. Don’t you wish your girlfriend were a frakking English Ed major like me, bitch? Thought so.